glitter cessna: How to Display Fresh Store-bought Flowers

Last weekend was a fun, busy one for us: we had family in town, celebrated Weston?s 2nd birthday, and my friends and family threw a beautiful baby shower for the little girl. So that was my excuse for ?needing? fresh flowers around the house.

Before I tell you about all that family stuff, let?s talk about the ruthless art of decorating with fresh flowers.

Now.

When most people cut and vase flowers, they probably sing along to the music of harps, while tiny woodland creatures join them in song. It?s a peaceful, beautiful event. Just cutting and vasing flowers, while pausing happily to smell their aromas. Kind of like this:

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The flowers themselves probably open up a little and maybe even actually smile.

For me? It?s ruthless. It?s heartless. It?s like picking teams in elementary school. The flowers quiver in fear, just hoping they?ll be chosen to be on display. Here?s my process:

1. Assemble the Troops

I picked up four bouquets half-off from Kroger, spending about $15 total.

Then I gathered all my vases, glasses, containers.

The only thing I think I could have put flowers in that I didn?t collect was Weston?s toddler potty. Looking back, that may have been a missed opportunity:

2. Mix up a concoction of flower grub

Can we talk for a minute about flower food thieves? Why are the flower bouquets I buy always missing that little packet of flower food? Are there tiny elves that feed on it who steal them from the bouquets after the store closes at night? Are there people who take them from the store and sell them on the black market for profit?

Just once I?d like for all my store-bought bouquets to come with the packet of flower food as expected.

In the meantime. I make my own hearty helping of floral cuisine, using some combination of this stuff:YUM. If you were a flower, your mouth would be watering right now.

3. Match flowers to vases

This is where I get RUTHLESS: dividing my buds in to A-team, B-team and the sorry losers who should never have made it into the store-bought bouquet. (Important disclaimer: I promise I do not think of people the way I think of flowers.)

I never, never, NEVER display the bouquets as they come from the store. It?s my rebellious nature, always defying convention with my florals. Back home they call me the James Dean of Flower Displays.

I think pitchers look best with droopy flowers like tulips, so the tulips got to go in the pitcher. (Yes this is the same pitcher I ruined a while back.)

This is my favorite little vase so I pulled out three of my favorite flowers ? those gorgeous orange roses ? and put them in their new home.

I thought they deserved some backup dancers, so I brought in these green guys and let them play too:

I have an odd affection for this little bud vase (sorry for the blurry pic), so I put the last rose in it and made a sweet, simple little display for the guest bathroom. Tiny bud vases make single flowers feel adored and appreciated, and this rose deserves only the best. It?s beautiful, so it deserves love. (See? Heartless.)

I had this little collection of three white bud vases which I like ?okay.? I like yellow flowers ?okay? too, so they became the B-team: a little deconstructed display of sunny delight to which I added some greenery from the other bouquet.

The rest of the yellow flowers got to go in this $1 goodwill vase.

Alstroemeria are among my least favorite store-bought flowers, because they?re everywhere and they?re cheap and I can afford them. So I pulled out all of them and made them all hang out among their own kind where they wouldn?t infect the other flowers with their commonness. Gross.

Finally, these ugly, sad flowers. Why are they even IN the bouquets? Dear God, why did you create these flowers? I don?t know what they are, but they probably deserve a gross name like STINKBUDS or something. I make them all stay together so they can just be grateful I didn?t throw them away, then I put them somewhere where I won?t have to see them very often. Losers.

Here?s the final line-up:

That is a LOT of flowers for 15 bucks, no?!

4. Display

I forgot to show you the mason jar where the rest of the tulips went, but it got displayed on a stand under a cloche, which I thought was pretty cute until my husband said, ?What is this, Beauty and the Beast??

And now that?s all I see when I look at it.

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The orange roses got a place of honor on the coffee table next to my pet horse.

And the rest of the displays got scattered throughout the house. I think it?s a lotta bang for $15, but the process requires a heart of stone. Do you go through this process when vasing fresh flowers? (Or is this a sign of some sort of disorder?)